Pained Gain

Posted on April 29, 2012 | 3 Comments

Hi…

Your story is not over, babe.

And if you’re reading this right now – it’s just beginning.

Don’t let the slug of today’s struggles slow down your tomorrow.

If you’ve messed up. If you’ve screwed up. If you’ve fucked up – that’s just fine. Because guess what? Life is not meant to be lived in an “all or nothing” mindset. If you lose today, you could win tomorrow and that’s the beauty of this beast.

Say you fall down hard, you body flop, just leave your face in the dirt for a few extra moments. Take your time. Think of it as an intense mud mask. Pain is beauty. No pain – no gain, bitch.

But don’t worry because when that darkness’ lacquer starts to harden, smile and cracks will form in a feeling that once seemed so permanent.

Sharp bursts of light will break free from within, and most of the pain will flake away.

Over time you’ll wash away the lingering remnants. You’ll face the mirror – the music – and notice a glow that wasn’t there before the fall.

Rejuvenation. Renewal. Restart.

A fresh start.

Whatever pain you’re currently going through, keep going through it. This is a part of your story right now, but it won’t last forever. It is preparing you for your bigger and brighter picture. Because without the really bad, you’d never know what really good felt like.

Your future holds surprises (some silly, some significant), monumental moments (most magical) and great love.

Great, great love.

There is always hope.

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Big Hooplah

Posted on April 9, 2012 | Leave a comment

Size definitely matters… especially in Nelly Furtado’s case.

The like-a-bird-like singer just released a sneak preview of the single “Big Hoops (Bigger the Better)” off her upcoming album The Spirit Indestructible and it’s way better than expected.

I’ve always sat on the fence when it came to Furtado. I enjoyed her first album and the quirky vibes that came with her music videos. But when “Promiscuous” girl came, I pulled out.

The Loose songs were funky and fun – energetic – infectious, inspiring a ruckus on the dance floor. But her unique oddball quality disappeared along with her shirt’s midriff.

In this behind-the-scenes video, Nelly isn’t selling sexy – she is sexy. She’s giving the word “loose” a different definition this time – letting loose to the music – feeling moved and moving to it. Her energy is infectious and so is the song’s rock hard beat. This time it appears as though she’s found the perfect balance between her unique personal style and love of hip-hop.

To me, this is sexy. And this time I’m buying.

P.S. Try jumping through hoops in this get up!

I’m loving this strong shot of Furtado on her music video set for “Big Hoops”! She’s bringing us an original concept without giving up that classic charm.

Charm that once inspired me to be like a bird.

And in my darkest moments when I didn’t feel like I was soaring all that high…

I never stopped trying.

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Sunday Funday Playlist #2 (Easter Edition)

Posted on April 8, 2012 | Leave a comment

Happy Easter, everyone!

As I type, crinkled and cracked neon foil wrappers cover every square inch of my desk (and sprinkle the floor). For the past three days I’ve been eating chocolates, fluorescent gummies and creamy candies for breakfast, lunch – forgot brunch, and dinner.

With the help of my my sugary IV drip, I’ve compiled a list of current confections I’ve been listening, dancing and singing along to.

Warning: Gnawing away on these songs and videos will make you feel guiltier than the chocolate carrot you ate (and counted) as a vegetable.

1. Tulisa – Young

 ”How on earth do you even know who Tulisa is?! I’m very surprised. Yes she’s very ‘ghetto’ and we would call her a right ‘north London girl’…”

Will, one of my favourite friends from the U.K. e-mailed me back the following on English singer-songwriter Tulisa and you can now understand why he is one of my favourite friends. Tulisa, formally known as Tula Paulinea Contostavlos got her big break as the sole female member of the London hip-hop group N-Dubz. She’s now most known for her judging position on The X Factor (UK) and her compromising position in a sex-tape. The video for her first solo single “Young” is simply horrific. But I now have an excuse to steal other people’s hotel room keys and deface boring pieces of artwork. That and the colour palette reminded me of Easter eggs. The song itself can be described as a right rip off of RiRi’s “We Found Love” but it inspires me to be a rebel in my own right – watching not one but two hours of Celebrity Apprentice and reading entire magazines at the stand.

2. The Saturdays – 30 Days

I’m a sucker for girl groups and the fact of the matter is – Brits make up the best girl groups ever. Period. Finito. End of discussion. But not really the end of the discussion. The Saturdays have returned with their new single “30 Days” which I’ve been singing aloud, waiting for the moment my true love and I are reunited. True love being my basket of goodies which has been hidden from me by friends and family, concerned for my well being. I swear I’m okay.

3. Jennifer Lopez feat. Pitbull – Dance Again

Yes Jennifer is ripping off Beyoncé’s “1+1″ video. And yes she’s also ripping off Kylie Minogue’s “All The Lovers” video. But Lopez has something neither of those videos have: Casper the friendly lead dancer and J.Glo’s real life boyfriend. Unwrap me one of those!

4. Nicki Minaj feat. 2 Chainz – Beez In The Trap

But what ended up on the cutting room floor was me suspending Nicki’s Oscar the Grouch green hair into the air, raking ultra firm gel through it and finishing it off with copious amounts of hair spray. I then glued a jewel to her belly button.

5. Madonna – Girl Gone Wild

As a kid, during Easter egg hunts, like Madonna, I too was a girl gone wild. I’d push, scream and sometimes even cut to get as many treasure treats as possible. Am I proud of my past childhood behavior? Absolutely not. Would I do it all over again if another hunting opportunity was presented to me? Absolutely.

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Louboxer

Posted on March 2, 2012 | Leave a comment

K.O.!

Jennifer Lopez graces the Spring 2012 cover of V Magazine kind of looking like my imaginary date this weekend.

The photographs taken by Mario Testino bring me right back to a wonderful, yet underrated era in J.Lo’s career.

Excuse me while I throw on a pair of red bottomed socks (the whole sock is red) to relive the live performance evolution of “Louboutins”.

Now a moment of silence as I walk it out.

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Nicki Minaj: ‘Roman Reloaded’ Album Cover!

Posted on March 1, 2012 | Leave a comment

Lock and reload, Ken Barbies!

Nicki Minaj has released the cover artwork for her second album, Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded out April 3.

I initially thought this was the cover for Princess Peach’s video game. Warning: animated gold coins may explode from CD case when opened.

The font, face paint, flash of blonde hair – a cover-up. A cute cartoon costume, her true identity later revealed: Roman (Bowser?) the dungeon dragon.

Peach isn’t the only blonde who inspired this Barbie’s cover. The splashes of paint graffiti brought me right back to Robyn’s masterpiece music video for “Cobrastyle”.

Meanwhile, a question floating around Mushroom Kingdom as of late…

Has Ms. Minaj sold out, opting for more radio friendly singles instead of her intensely raw raptures?

A double edged sword.

Yes, I miss her organic/orgasmic verses that overshadowed the rapper whose song she was featured on. But the world would be wondering “what else can this Barbie do?” if she hadn’t showcased her other talents sooner or later. Unfortunately it is not enough to be good at one thing in this business anymore. To be in this business – to be a brand.

Trigger happy happens. Often the “sell out” sticker gets stamped on those labeled “successful”. To be successful – to be a sell out. It’s not always so black and white. Especially in Nicki Minaj’s case.

Malibu Bitch Barbie is swimming in a pool of grey.

I think there’s something endearing about a Barbie suffering from multiple personality disorder who yells expletives with a gargantuan grin.

Didn’t you hear? Schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder are the new pink.

P.S. Nicki just tweeted the Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded deluxe edition cover.

… I never knew Donatella Versace was into naked paintball.

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Let Them Eat Cake

Posted on February 21, 2012 | 2 Comments

Consider my name… put on it.

I left New York City for Toronto on a Greyhound bus the other night. If you’ve never tried this form of transportation I highly recommend remaining one of the lucky ones. With that being said, my iPod got me through the 10 hour ride, causing me to whip up music video visions, tour set lists, cool choreography and collaboration confections.

One song frequently repeated was Rihanna’s “Birthday Cake” off her latest album Talk That Talk. I like this song a lot because I like cake a lot. Especially birthday cake. That blown out candle smell can instantly put a smile on my ridiculous face.

The song teased me, only a 1:18 long, fading out mid lyric. Which lead me to believe a full version was either being refrigerated for a new album or the ingredients were being reevaluated for a special collaboration.

When Princess Riri tweeted “I need somebody #DIRRRTY on my Birthday #CAKE ;) lol” my heart began having palpitations as I imagined my #1 Dirrty diva Christina Aguilera as the second baker in the kitchen. I imagined Xtina belting out the word “Cake” in a similar fashion to her intro note on “Ain’t No Other Man”. I imagined my Queen wearing this t-shirt paired with some black leggings while recording her verse in The Red Lips Room (her home studio).

This morning I woke up to a cut-off tweet announcing the “Birthday Cake” remix arrival featuring “Chris…”

I threw the blankets off my bed, tripped over my unpacked suitcase and collapsed onto my computer’s power button.

“… Brown”

My hopes had been thrown into the air and were now on the comedown.

Wax rolling down a candle, collecting in a puddle atop the icing.

Even though a different Chrissy is featured on the track, I still like it like it!

We tend to forget that both Rihanna and Chris Brown are free citizens of the world first and foremost, entertainers second. The harm Brown inflicted on his then girlfriend is inexcusable and unforgivable in the eyes of many. But if those actions are excusable and forgivable in the eyes of Rihanna – that is her and only her choice.

Past mistakes should never be cryogenically frozen.

Young girls – young people look up to Rihanna, yes. But the responsibility of being a role model should never weigh solely on the shoulders of just one person.

We’re all flawed souls. The world is coloured with us. We’re here to live and learn from the mistakes we make, missteps we take. As well as those made by our friends, family members and neighbours.

If a mistake was never made, a lesson of forgiveness would never be taught.

We must live. We must learn. We must love.

And we must cut me a corner slice while we’re at it.

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Ginger Pride

Posted on February 5, 2012 | 1 Comment

I was always Ginger Spice.

When I played Kurt Von Trapp in my middle school’s production of The Sound Of Music – I was Ginger Spice. When I posed for photographs at family gatherings – I was Ginger Spice. When I walked down the street – I was Ginger Spice.

You could say my strength and sass… sassy strength came from Geri Halliwell.

Rough around the edges, loud, and confident. A woman who left a trail of red lipstick stains, outrageously over-the-top threads, and sky-high shoes in her wake. Geri always appeared to be living life to the fullest, always laughing that infectious laugh of hers, and never taking the drama that came with her role in the world’s most famous girl group too seriously.

Being a spice crazy second grader was a full time job but thankfully I had the support of my entire family to help fuel my addiction.

I put out province wide searches for Spice Girls stickers located in Cadbury chocolate bars, Chupa Chup lollies, and pink bubble gum bricks. My mother once bought out an entire convenience store’s stock of the gum in hopes I’d find my missing sticker. My idea of a golden ticket to Wonka’s factory.

As exciting as my sticker collection was, no Spice memorabilia could ever compare to the magic that was… the Spice Girl doll.

I remember anxiously tapping my feet in the car ride to Zellers. My Grandmother Maxine (Macci for short) was driving me to my very first Spice Girl doll. Speed walking through the sliding doors, Nana running behind me, I pinched myself. I would never forget this moment.

I double stepped the escalator and ran to the Barbie aisle. I scanned the selection while walking, praying that the union jack would jump out at me. Instead… my eyes were assaulted by a redheaded imposter wearing a kimono. I gasped. Nana caught up to me and asked if this was the “Geri Spice” I wanted. Defeat. Nana grabbed Kimono Spice off the shelf and everything went slow-mo. Hiding behind was the original Ginger rocking her infamous skin tight Union Jack dress – the only dress that mattered to me. If a stranger was watching from a distance they would have heard the Rocky theme and me jumping up and down, holding the doll high above my head.

Fast forward to today. *cue Rocky theme*

*Crying gallons of red, white and blue tears.*

Geri Halliwell has designed her own range of Union Jack inspired pieces for Next. A dress embellished with thousands of sequins, t-shirt, maxi dress, cowl back dress, bikini and tankini will be available online next month, making every girl feel a tinge Ginge.

  • Watching Geri perform in the dress on TV at the Brit Awards in 1997.
  • Making my doll perform in the dress on my living room floor in 1997.
  • Watching Geri perform in the dress at the Spice Girls reunion tour in 2008.
  • Buying the t-shirt inspired by the dress in 2012.


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Turned On

Posted on February 1, 2012 | Leave a comment

Life in plastic, it’s fantastic!

David Guetta and Nicki Minaj have joined forces once again for their new song “Turn Me On” and I am tickled Barbie pink by the dark and twisted video!

In the clip, Guetta plays a brooding mad scientist who literally turns Minaj on after building her, piece by piece. The real life Barbie is then released and takes the night by storm in a feminine Jack the Ripper get-up. As Nicki’s strut click clacks along the mid-19th century cobble stones, odd dolls come out of hiding and become mesmerized by her “life-like” features. They then demand/seduce Dr. Guetta to work/werk his magic on them as well. Somewhere in the mix Dr. Guetta reveals his true identity, a toned and muscular body made completely of chainmail. I then, somewhere in the mix find myself oddly attracted to him for the first time in my life.

This cooky confection is different and fresh, delivering special effects that are surprisingly not cheesy. A true time machine of a video with sets and costumes so detailed and realistic, I was kind of inspired to form my own Gang of New York alongside DiCaprio, Diaz and Day-Lewis.

Turned. right. on.

Mission accomplished!

P.S. Does anyone know where I could find a chainmail jump suit? Anyone?

P.P.S. No Barbie themed video will ever come close to this, though…

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Christina Aguilera: ‘Rolling Stone’ Cover!

Posted on February 1, 2012 | 1 Comment

CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN ALTI PUMP SPIKES 160 MM.

Queen Christina Aguilera along with her fellow The Voice coaches, Cee Lo Green, Adam Levine and Blake Shelton strike a pose for the cover of the latest Rolling Stone (Xtina’s fifth RS cover to be exact)!

I’m simply screaming over Christina and Adam role playing Rose and Jack, subconsciously (consciously) reenacting that famous Titanic scene.

You know the one…

And I’m crying.

P.S. Fabulous behind-the-scenes video of Christina, Adam, Cee Lo and Blake striking their poses! And please take special note of Xtina at 32 seconds. Thank you.

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Sunday School Songs

Posted on January 22, 2012 | Leave a comment

Sister Christina

Sunday.

The only day of the week where I give myself permission to shoulder shimmy to Amber Rose’s new song as I competitively play Bejeweled 3 online.

What else is on my Sunday Funday playlist, you ask?

1. Pixie Lott – Beautiful People (Acoustic Cover)

I’m obsessed with Chris Brown’s original version of the song which was produced and features Benny Benassi. The track occupies a spot on my Top 25 Most Played on iTunes but there’s something about Pixie Lott’s cover that demands my attention. It doesn’t compare to Brown’s, but it’s infectious and sweet and that’s good enough for me!

2. Nicki Minaj – Stupid Hoe

Any song that inspires me to jump rope or play hopscotch is an automatic winner in my eyes. That probably explains my undying love for Missy Elliott music. At first listen, Nicki Minaj’s “Stupid Hoe” underwhelmed. At first watch, the video did the same (so comforting to know Britney’s cage designer is getting work in this economy). But after a few pon de replays, this DJ has had a change of heart. Plus knowing a few real life stupid hoes doesn’t hurt this punching bag of a song.

3. Amber Rose feat. Wiz Khalifa – Fame

I cannot take my eyes off this next one. Amber Rose, famous for being Kanye West’s exotic/androgynous/mysterious ex-girlfriend, has released her first single featuring her husband (also a famous rapper) Wiz Khalifa called “Fame”. Fun, upbeat, and insanely catchy. In other words, everything Kim Kardashian’s single wasn’t.

4. Mike Posner – Looks Like Sex

XXL t-shirt. Coffee stained sweatpants. Mismatched socks. With holes. Lipstick stained cheek from the night before. All mandatory if wanting to look like sex.

5. Etta James – At Last

Life is like a song. And the world just lost a great one.

My favourite “At Last” cover by Christina Aguilera (hide your surprise).

Rest in peace Etta James.

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